I've been trying the past few days to get my 'blog on.' I've been preoccupied with trying to think of good, witty titles for the blog itself, the links that I can share and so on. What I should primarily concern myself with though is making postings for the blog itself. I guess that's the hard and time consuming part! Really, what is a blog without a blog posting? That's a good question for a future blog or maybe a Zen Buddhist (not really).
I don't know how many people will read this or will find any worth in it. I guess to a large extent it doesn't even matter to me. I would love to dialogue with others and share commonalities and differences during a mutual discussion. I look forward to that with anticipation if it were to happen. I am also excited about being able to articulate and sift through what has been floating around in my head recently. Not to be melodramatic in any way, but my life has changed so much during the past few years that I have been confused as to which side has been up and which has been down at different times.
What has been filling my head and heart of late however, has been the incredible thanksgiving I feel to be able to live. It is a gift. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is everything I could ever ask for in a woman. I have a good job that pays the bills. More importantly than the riches that have been bestowed up me though is the interior knowledge that shows me that I am known and loved in the deepest part of my being - a truth that resounds deeper and more profoundly than anything my imagination could conjure - I am known and loved as one who has been created by the Creator. This identity gives me cause to celebrate, how could it not? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with how good God has been to me; at times I feel as though my soul has been lit on fire. I wonder how has this happened? What have I done to deserve the abundance of blessings in my life? Not only have I not sought it out, to a large degree I had oriented my life in such a way as to take me away from blessing.
In this sense, this truth also propels me into repentance, for the longer I gaze at Love, the deeper I know myself. The deeper I know myself the more I am aware of the many ways in which I fail to embrace this Love. What comes to mind with the word repentance is mentioned? In the past I have likened it to self-pity and remorse. Bishop Kalllistos Ware, in his book The Orthodox Way, reminds me that repentance is not negative but positive: "It is to look not backward with regret, but forward with hope - not downwards at our shortcomings but upward toward God's love. It is to see not what we have failed to be, but what by divine grace we can become; and it is to act upon what we see. To repent is to open our eyes to the light. In this sense repentance is not just a single act, an intial step, but an attidude of the heart and will that needs to be ceaselessly renewed up to the end of life." I would do well to remember the quote.
8 comments:
I'm glad you're officially blogging - let the discussions begin. I'm not really in a position to judge our gauge your experiences the last few years, but it seems clear that you've come so far. So many people say the things you say, but have no real felt-sense of what is going on. Not so with you.
I like this bit on repentance too. In a more poetic way, it is similar to Bonhoeffer's thoughts on repentance/confession in community - the bestowal of God's grace and mercy, spoken and heard by brothers and sisters in a way which points not down, but up; not backwards, but forwards in hope.
I feel privileged to be among the first to comment on the debut of your blog...
Bishop Kalllistos Ware's statement is interesting. It gives me a literal picture of repentance. I wonder how much of this can be applied to other faiths.
Hey you UK lovers,
Thanks for the posts. Sarah, I was intrigued by your comment. How/if does the concept of repentance apply to what you are learning in your current studies?
You're bringing me out of my comfort zone, JB. Being from a different generation and lifestyle, this is my first blog-discussion experience.
Having been around you through some of the more difficult times in the past few years, I give God praise and glory as I read your posts. We have to endure pain for true growth. I vividly recall you singing U2's "Yahweh" and publicly acknowledging that there is always pain before the child is born. At the time, there was great pain for you - and only the hope of new birth. It brings a smile to my face and praise in my heart to read of God's renewal and redemption of your life. He is good and faithful.
yay! a forum where I can publicly ridicule bratislava and all his opinions. I'm feeling tears coming to my eyes.
Jack -- thanks for your encouragement and I join with you. As for Paul . . . let me say that I'm just happy to be in there somewhere.
JB,
The concept of sin is viewed different in Islam because Muslims believe that we are not born with a sinful nature. Consequently, repentance is approached at a slightly different angle. However, when someone sins God grants forgiveness when asked, as he is the ultimate Forgiver. What this means in the eschaton, when one would hopes that good out ways bad...
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