"You have gone far wrong. Thirst was made for water; inquiry for truth. What you now call the free play of inquiry has neither more nor less to do with which the ends of intelligence was given you than masturbation has to do with marriage."--C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
Growing up, there was a parsonage next door to the church where my Dad was pastor. In front of this parsonage was a wooden staircase leading up to a second-story entrance to the home. One day my brother and I, in a fit of pre-teen mischievousness, thought it would be fun to peel back some of the shingles that we could reach on the parsonage roof from that second-story entrance and fling them as far as we could into the parking lot below.
As I reflected on this memory, the immediate question I had was, "What were we thinking!?" We knew what we were doing was a) wrong and b) would get us into trouble shortly. Yet, we still did it and thought it was pretty fun as well. I can only speculate now what our immature motivations were at the time but undoubtedly the thrill of doing something risque factored into our behavior. In our clouded minds it felt good on some level to peel back the shingles and see how far we could throw it. We were also at the age where we were trying to push at established boundaries to see what we could get away with. Would we really get into trouble?
I have made these evaluations of the pre-teen me from a distance, looking back at my childhood memory with disapproval and disdain. Obviously I've come a long way since then. But have I? Sometimes I wonder how much I have really grown up, if at all. Maybe I just do a better job of hiding my true motivations now. How often I am faced with a decision or situation that requires personal effort on my part (helping my wife when I'm tired, the list goes on and on), and knowing how I should respond (yes! objectively knowing!) I instead passively choose what is easy and comfortable for me (usually to my own detriment I might add).
I read the above quote (passed on to me from a friend who had said it had haunted him for years) in a similar context. "Questions" are certainly a buzz word in Chrisitianity these days. Questions are good in the sense that they are a means to an end. However, as Lewis points out, questions lose their value when they become an end in and of themselves. "Questions" can easily spiral beyond their useful purpose and instead become feelble and immature attempts to justify myself before God. Questions should not be asked if one has no intention of finding an answer. Instead they become a convenient excuse for my own laziness or indecision and I use the same naive rationalization process I used to justify tearing perfectly good shingles off a roof and throwing them down to the ground.
3 comments:
Really good post. This arises many thoughts, but the biggest one is how my (and many of my 20-something peers') plight is one of questioning everything, but not following through on any of that questioning. There's a tension to keep: asking and journeying (another buzz word :) with important/hard questions but still having faith that truth is real.
I can see where you're coming from on this one, my Orthodox pillar of luscious beardedness, and I agree with you.
From my perspective, that of a recovering addict, this boils down to an issue of control.
I agree with Katie that there is a healthy tension between questioning and surrender. Not questioning is lazy and I think we are called to "wrestle with" (please note the use of Mars Hill buzzword "to wrestle with"). But at what point does my questioning of motives, etc. become an attempt to assert my own agenda, or continue in denial over an uncomfortable reality, or complicate a simple issue.
Am I willing to embrace mystery and surrender my perceived right to understand everything exhaustively? Am I starting with the basic premise that, in everything, Christ is good and just and I am broken and flawed? Am I trying to know His heart or reassert mine in yet another sophisticated, "open-minded", "educated", or post-modern way?
For the Gospel to be universal is has to be simple enough to be understood by even an uneducated, unsophisticated farmer in an undeveloped part of the world. Brokenness and redemption are universal and simple themes. Intellectual sophistry can be, I believe, another form of denial.
Well said, all. Questioning is very good and needed when used properly -- as a means to an end. Hopefully participating in the Kingdom of God does not require me to turn my brain off and be spoon fed.
Nevertheless, I believe you are right to zero in on the themes of submission and surrender; the subverting of my own sinful passions and misguided will back toward its original created purpose, not for its detriment, but benefit.
While we do give up control in a sense, I believe this healing grace of God requires our participation and cooperation. In this sense it is a not a passive move, but an active one. Healing in the spiritual life is perhaps analogous to climbing a ladder rather than getting on an escalator. The role played by God is far, far greater than ours but our own volition is still engaged.
Post a Comment